Andy Crawford | Reborn in PHP

Signs That Suggest You Are The Toxic Person

Published November 2022 | By Andy Crawford

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1. You ALWAYS talk about yourself

When you're a toxic person, all you want to do is talk about yourself. Your favourite conversation topic is you. And, when the conversation turns to someone or something other than you, you quickly bring it STRAIGHT back to you and your situation.

2. People feel drained after being with you

Some people are drains and some people are radiators. Some fill you with a sense of well-being and energy but others make you feel like lying in a darkened room and never facing life again. Do you suck the life from others like an emotional vampire? If you do you are definitely toxic.

3. People avoid you

Do you find yourself walking down the street only to find that the person coming towards you has suddenly disappeared down a side street or headed to the other side of the road? You may start wondering why everyone is suddenly busy or 'washing their hair' whenever you suggest a night on the town. This is a clear indication that your company is toxic.

4. Or never speak to you again and ghost you

That new friend you met up with at the gym on a number of occasions has suddenly changed their training times. You have to ask the question of yourself, 'Is this my doing?' The answer is probably .yes. It's time to start being a better person.

5. You are very critical of other people

Whatever someone tells you, you feel that sense of superiority. You are classier, better looking, you have nicer things, and your dress sense is far superior. You know without doubt you are more intelligent and interesting. Stop! You are absolutely toxic.

6. People feel worse about themselves after being with you

You bump into an old acquaintance you haven't seen for ages. First, you look them up and down, straightaway causing them to check their fly zip. You proceed by letting them know how well you're doing and how great your life is whilst at the same time sympathising about the dreadful state of theirs. This is quite clearly the behaviour of a toxic person.

7. You are VERY jealous of people

When you hear that someone has done something well, or they get something new, or they are happy and have achieved something - rather than making you pleased for them all you can feel is a bitter sense of jealousy. And, when the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head, it is never a good trait.

8. You are controlling

Toxic people like to be in control. And they love to control the people they are with in terms of what they are doing or how they think. This is ALWAYS a toxic trait to have. If you find yourself trying to control people for your own gain or own sense of satisfaction, it's time to take a good look in the mirror.

9. You manipulate other people emotionally

Have you ever noticed yourself using emotional manipulation against people? For example, perhaps you pretend you are upset or hurt to make someone feel guilty or to switch the guilt around when you are actually in the wrong. If this sounds like you, you could well be a toxic person.

10. You never think you are in the wrong

Never being able to accept that you are in the wrong, or never even being able to contemplate the fact that you actually might be in the wrong - can make it very difficult for anybody to reason with you. And the likelihood is.that sometimes you ARE wrong. So, it's only decent to own up to it.

11. You always blame other people

'Well, it wasn't me it was all their fault', 'They're always trying to make me look bad', 'why does everyone always have it so much easier than me' - if this sounds like you, then it sounds like always blame other people and never take accountability for you own actions and the part YOU play.

12. You take, take, take

When was the last time you did something for someone else for no reason other to help them or to be kind? When was the last time you did a selfless act? If you can't remember, then perhaps you are taking advantage of people's kindness without ever repaying it.

13. Your moods are up and down

Perhaps people do not know which version of you they will see that day and so people feel as though they have to tread very carefully in case they upset you or make you react a certain way. Nobody wants to have to tread on eggshells around somebody because they can't predict them.

14. You put people down in front of others

You put other people down, and in some way, it makes you feel better about yourself having had them humiliated in front of a bunch of people and made them feel small about themselves. You get a kick out of it. Is this you? If so, I'm afraid to say you're a toxic person.

15. You don't let go of a grudge

It can be really hard to let go of things, nobody's denying it. Especially if somebody has hurt you. But it's important to be able to let go of grudges - otherwise it eats away at you. And, holding on to that hate will only bring more negativity to your door.

16. You make lots of drama

Drama, drama, drama. Are you the drama? Maybe. If it follows you wherever you go and you always seem to be somehow in the middle of it - it sounds like it's you. Continuously creating unnecessary drama and causing trouble and stirring the pot can most certainly be a toxic trait.

17. You begrudge other people's successes

A key characteristic of a toxic person is their inability to be happy or celebrate other people for their successes. Secretly, you want to hear about other people failing rather than succeeding and you are actually happy when you hear negative things, because it makes you feel better about yourself.

18. You play the victim

Woe is me, everyone's always against me, I'm always the victim. This can be a tactic some people use to manipulate people and make them feel sorry for you - maybe in order to gain something. But always playing the victim is a sign that you might be a toxic person.

19. You peer pressure people

Peer pressuring somebody is never a good thing. If you have realised that you manipulate people into doing something even if they don't want to do something, or you make them feel bad for not joining in - then you are peer pressuring them. And it's toxic. Full stop.

20. You make threats if you don't get what you want

Have you ever caught yourself saying things such as, 'if you don't do that, I'll end our relationship' or 'I won't be friends with you anymore', just because you haven't got your own way - you are a toxic person. These kinds of threats are not and cannot be acceptable ways to treat people.

21. You will not compromise

Compromise is an important part in any relationship - whether it's romantic or a friendship. But, if, all that matters to you is what YOU want, rather than what other people might want or need - then you are certainly not compromising. And eventually people might get tired of having to always do what you want.

22. You will tell people's secrets

When someone confides in you and reveals a secret to you it is a huge sign of trust that they put in you. If you then tell somebody's secret, you are betraying that trust. In fact, if you are a toxic person, you may even enjoy the power of having someone's secret and being able to tell somebody else.

23. You make a lot of passive aggressive comments

'Fine', 'Whatever'. 'That's really good for someone like you'. does this sound like anyone? If it sounds like you, you are the master of passive aggressive comments and maybe you don't even realise. Which is by no means a good thing, and it can be a very toxic trait.

24. You make everything into a competition

This is a very classic case of 'you went to Tenerife, but I went to 'Elevenerife'. And a lot of people unknowingly do this. Maybe you don't realise that when someone tells you something you have to try, and one up them. But it's something to be aware of and to stop doing.

25. People have told you about your behaviour

When people have told you about your behaviour and that you are displaying toxic traits - it's time to take a look and change things. People don't usually like to call other people out because most people do not enjoy confrontation. So, it must be bad if someone is telling you are toxic.

26. You don't care about other's feelings

Maybe you are too focused on your own feelings to even contemplate other people's feelings and think about somebody else other than yourself. But eventually if people realise that you don't care about them, then they probably won't continue to care about you either.

27. You gaslight people

If you are a toxic person, you make people doubt themselves by questioning their version and telling them that your version is the correct one, you make them believe that they have not remembered it right. This is a seriously toxic trait which you need to stop.

28. You are pessimistic

It's great to be able to be positive and always see the silver lining. But when you are a pessimist, you are the opposite. You always see the bad in things and people. You always expect the worst. And you may always think about the bad things in every situation which is not only draining for everybody else, but also you.

29. You constantly complain

Moan, moan and more moaning. Some people are a glass half empty kind of person and manage to spin anything into a negative, even if it should have been a great experience. They manage to complain about something or find something to nit-pick rather than just appreciating the positives.

30. You try to make others the same as you

Maybe deep down, you realise you are a toxic person, or you realise that you can be mean or show bad traits. Instead of trying to work on yourself and better yourself, a toxic person instead wants to make everyone else the same to justify their actions.

31. If You Give Criticism, It's Never Constructive

You probably don't even know the meaning of the term constructive criticism, as the only criticism you ever give is with the intend of hurting someone, nit-picking at them or demeaning them in order to make them feel less of themselves. You might be insecure yourself, and want to cause that insecurity in other people.

32. You Give Advice When It's Never Asked

Advice is helpful if someone wants or needs it - but you give advice even when it's not asked for, and probably at the most inappropriate moments. This could be when a person has made it clear its none of your business but you have to get your opinion in any way.

33. You Get Satisfaction Out Of Ruining People's Happiness

You just can't help that urge to rain on someone's parade. You see someone really happy or sharing good news and you just know you have to say or do something to put a dampener on it. A lot of this can come from a place of envy.

34. You Like To Provoke People Into Arguments

You might enjoy doing this on some of the bigger topics, like personal beliefs or religion. You take satisfaction in disagreeing with a certain viewpoint just to cause an argument. You might dismiss other people's beliefs and offer your own controversial opinion a lot of the time.

35. You Find Yourself Copying Other People's Mannerisms And Behaviours

This could also apply to copying other things about a person, too, like their work or hobbies. You don't do this because you want to be the person or you look up to them: you most likely do it because you want to take what they find good about themselves and make it your own, so that they feel like part of themselves is being stolen or copied in an unflattering way.

36. You Like Making People Feel Guilty If Things Don't Go Your Way

You might be aware (or unaware) of your own sense of entitlement, which means you get annoyed when things don't go your way. If this is the case, you might go out of your way to make people feel guilty for things, just so you can make them feel bad enough to let you get what you want.

37. You Try To Get People To Feel Sorry For You

You want people to feel sorry for you and you'll certainly try to make it so in order to give yourself that power back. You aren't a stranger to a pity party if you feel someone has wronged you, in order to make them have to be the ones to make it up to you instead.

38. You Never Say Sorry

You don't like to accept accountability for things you've done wrong, so saying sorry is not something you often do - if at all! You think that saying sorry would mean taking responsibility and most of the time you don't think you should have to say sorry, so you don't.

39. But If You Do Say Sorry, It's Only For Manipulation

If there's a rare occasion you do apologise, it's only because you want them to forgive you and not because you actually mean it. You don't intend to change your behaviour or do anything different to avoid it happening again, you're only saying sorry so they'll say it's okay.

40. You Feel And/Or Act Superior

You like being the centre of attention, and most, if not all of the time, you feel like you deserve to be the centre of attention. You might feel like a lot of people you meet are beneath you a little bit. You don't like seeing the success of others, either, as you like to be the most superior.

41. Chronic Sarcasm Is Your Go-To

Most people are sarcastic every now and again in a funny way, like enjoyable rapport with friends or sarcasm accompanied with a smile. But there's a more malicious form of sarcasm which isn't playful at all, such as the type made to just make someone feel bad or humiliate them in front of others - and it's this type you use a lot.

42. If You See Someone Excelling At Something, Your First Instinct Is To Sabotage It

You don't feel very comfortable with other people's success, and your gut instinct might be to try and think of ways to sabotage it. This could be making someone nervous before an important job interview, making someone feel bad about a new job or just sabotaging any chance someone else has at celebration.

43. You're Not Averse To Name Calling Or Verbal Abuse

This might be your go-to when you get into an argument, or when you're angry about something. This is the only way you know how to control a situation - by getting the upper hand by using name calling and abuse to belittle someone you're mad at.

44. You Like To Micromanage Other People's Lives

You like to have some control over what the people in your life do, where they go and who they see. A lot of time you might not like them seeing anyone else but you. You might ask a lot of the people so that their time is taken up with you, and they don't have time left for the other things they want to do.

45. You Might Feel Entitled To A Portion Of Someone's Hard-Earned Pay

This could be a partner most likely, especially if you are living with them, but can apply to anyone. You may feel like you want to take over their finances or control how they work and how they get paid, like you're owed a sum of it for being in their life.

46. You See Other People's Accomplishments As Competition Rather Than Celebration

You might find it very easy to admire someone else's achievements at first, or certainly make them feel that way. Then you start to think how you can better them, or see any accomplishment as a challenge that you need to do better and get one up on them.

47. You Project Onto Other People - Especially When Embarrassed

If someone makes you feel inadequate, then your immediate reaction is to get angry and rant at them. You feel the instant need to defend yourself and prove that you're not inadequate, and you might then switch it round on the other person to show that they're the ones who have the problem.

48. You'll Always Try To Prove The Other Person Is Toxic - Not You

If someone calls you out for toxic traits, you'll do everything you can to show the other person as the one who is toxic - even if it's not true. You'll project all your anger and envy onto them and make sure you come up with a way to prove that they're the problem.

49. You Just Can't Stop Lying Or Cheating (Or Both)

Lying comes very easily to you, and you find yourself doing it most of the time. You're not against betraying someone's trust, and you might even find yourself cheating a lot if you're in relationships. You might often feel you're living a double life, with the face you show to others, and the person you are in private.

50. You Never Own Your Problems

Problems? What problems? If you do have a problem (which you don't, or so you tell yourself) that's for other people to fix. You can't take adult responsibility for anything and have to be mollycoddled most of the time for other people to sort out.

So what is the answer? Having recognised a toxic person's traits, how should they be dealt with? Answers on a postcard please ...